The Love List

Woke up this morning with a bit of a lost feeling and realised I have not been putting the work in that I should to be mindful of my goals.

Which made me think about goals being a results driven word and as I want to focus on the changes and not the results I have re-framed the goals list to a love list.

The Love List

(a visual reminder)

make time for friends

have fun

mindful finances

make space

less quantity...more quality

go on adventures

plan family time

find joy in your work

fix the garden.....

......make it beautiful



plant seeds and watch them grow

get outdoors

eat well for a healthy heart

exercise - it feels good!

walk the dog

travel is good for the soul.....

........and so is romance

take pleasure in maintaining your home

enjoy the moment

 

try new things

relax and let it go

remember how herbal tea makes you feel

document your wisdom (and others)

celebrate achievements

look for the beautiful things in the world

remember that all life is connected, beautiful and in some way meaningful

love conquers all

And looking back on my love list, I can see that I haven't forgotten to do these things afterall, I just forgot I was doing them, and Im not lost, Im full of gratitude...and for that I am thankful.

Write a Blog - Rewire your Neurons!

Why start a blog?

Initially it was just to track my happiness project, and I only gave access to a few people, as the days have gone on it has changed.

I now see it as a valuable, simple and inexpensive tool for exploring a passion, tracking achievements, leaving a legacy of life lessons for Master Q and maybe along the line inspiring other people.

It is already enhancing and redefining this personal project that I am working on:  Less Catastrophe Living - A year of less mindlessness in daily life and achieving goals without chasing them.

In 2009 the husband and I wrote goals for the year, we put them in a drawer and looked at them again in 2010, it was impressive we had met some of these goals and didnt even realise we were doing it. 

Growth, we were going in the right direction and that realisation was encouraging.  Our most fun achievement that year was buying our little caravan, bundling our wee family and dog in, simplifying life, and travelling to some of the most gorgeous places in Scotland.  In 2011 we managed to arrange for about 30 of our friends and family to meet at one of those places for a beach party.

Making a wish and putting it out there

  Moules Marinieres on an open fire



 

The beach with the Isle of Jura in the distance

It made me ask the question.  What could I achieve if I really payed attention to the things I would love have in my life?

It took a while though.  The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rueben, recommended to me by a good friend, planted the seed of an action plan in December 2011 and this is the growth of that seed.


What have neurons got to do with writing a blog?

Neurons: A specialized cell transmitting nerve impulses; a nerve cell.

Neuroplasticity:  The capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation and training or practice.

The brain is amazing, the underlying machinery of the brain is hardwired, but the wiring on the top is flexible and controlled by behavioural input, it has been proven that neurons can rewire, this is what makes personal growth and development possible.  

There is a proven connection between meditation and neuroplasticity, but you dont have to be the Dalai Lama rewire your neurons.  You also do not need to sit on a meditation cushion every day to meditate. 

Be conscious of what you are doing, pay attention.  In positive psychology it is called 'the flow'. You will usually find you are in the flow when you are doing something that you enjoy...jigsaws, crosswords, writing, knitting.  Wouldn't it be nice to be in the flow when doing the dishes too! More on that in a future post.

Flow: is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.



Will I be able to rewire my brain as the result of this blog being a reminder of my new daily mindful behaviour.  Time will tell, but Im already feeling the difference.  Im more in the flow...im not impulse buying anymore and Im off to arrange that beach party!

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

Personal Commandments (Golden Rules)

The 12 personal commandments are a suggestion in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rueben, so I did put a bit of thought into them and they are working well.  If Im looking after myself well, Im more able to look after the people that I love too.

These commandments are not set in stone.

1. Think for yourself

We get so much information, from television, newspapers, internet, work, religions, friends, family, strangers.

If I believe everything that I hear and dont think for myself I will be a sheep.  I am not a sheep.  I am able to think along original lines.

Things to watch our for are:  fantasy, myths, naivety

My aim for 'think for yourself':  be practical, dont be gullible and get to the heart of the matter.

2.  Co-operation, Respect and Love

If I go about my business with co-operation, respect and love it will make getting to the heart of the matter much easier and kinder.

Everyone wants to be happy and we are all fighting our own battles.

3. Respect your body

Hit the 40 mark recently and I want to be around for another 40 years and be healthy enough to enjoy it. This means taking a bit of action. So I have decided to take my health a bit more seriously.  I also have high cholesterol and its niggling away at me.

Building in daily exercise and paying attention to what I eat.  Respect.

4. Dont buy what you dont need

Ive never taken money too seriously so its always slipped through my fingers, impulsive buys and spontaneous nights out, and Ive had a great time!  Thankfully I was clever enough to have bought my first house at 24 and to never miss payments on anything.   Money brings comfort, security, health and power, it needs to be taken seriously.

Questions to ask:

How could I spend money to make myself feel more secure?
How could I spend money to strengthen relationships with other people?
How could I spend money to make myself healthier?

(taken from Happiness Project diary)

5. Do what needs to be done.

This is all about procrastination, a major emotional disturbance, and Im brilliant at it.

This commandment covers dealing with life....GP and dentist appointments, organising finances, keeping clutter in check, schooling, calling service providers (cable, gas, council), getting things fixed, and so on.

I never knew I had so many niggling tasks until I wrote them down, they are now out of my head and I know what needs to be done, I keep that list up to date and check it regularly. 

It is easier to face a difficult task that to avoid it....in the long term.

6. Do not give in to guilt or pity

Sometimes when I am asked to do something I say no, and then I feel guilty and change my mind and do it, which makes me resentful and irritated.  Thats a mixed message.  I now manage this better and I have more time to myself, and can focus on my own important things.

If you give in to guilt or pity you will cave in like a deck of cards. 

7. Recognise Frustrations

It helps to get things into persepective.  That includes recognising frustrations for what they are, inconveniences - little things that need to be problem solved or tolerated without resentment.  Frustrations do not need to lead to emotional disturbances.  This one thing, when remembered, makes life much easier!

8. Lighten Up

When I recognise frustrations, it makes sense to lighten up.  Especially getting my son out to school in the morning, his head is in the clouds constantly.  I moan and nag, I cant even stand the sound of myself.  When I turn that mood around, it turns my day around.  A bit like the law of attraction, you get what you give. 

9. Connect (Breathe)

To help me lighten up, I stop, take a step back from whats inside my head and come back into the present and pay attention.  I do this by having awareness of my breath. 

Taking a few deep breaths is usually enough to feel calm and detached, which means I can observe things how they really are and not how my frustrated mind is perceiving them. Sometimes I have to do this a lot! Its a good habit to develop.  It also cultivates gratitude.

10. Consult your inner adult

We all have an inner adult and an inner child.  I now know when my inner child comes out to play, this is when I have to acknowledge my inner child with love and become the adult that I am.  My conversations between my inner adult and inner child can be pretty intense, and I love them both.

11.  Walk tall and keep your shoulders down.

Walking tall feels good and reduces tension in the shoulders and neck, and my shoulders need the break!

12. Be Firm

Do not reward bad behaviour in others, be firm and fair.

Make allowances and give chances, but only a few.  After that its time to protest, separate or tolerate without resentment.  Never tolerate with resentment, there are always solutions.  This is self-care.