Write a Blog - Rewire your Neurons!

Why start a blog?

Initially it was just to track my happiness project, and I only gave access to a few people, as the days have gone on it has changed.

I now see it as a valuable, simple and inexpensive tool for exploring a passion, tracking achievements, leaving a legacy of life lessons for Master Q and maybe along the line inspiring other people.

It is already enhancing and redefining this personal project that I am working on:  Less Catastrophe Living - A year of less mindlessness in daily life and achieving goals without chasing them.

In 2009 the husband and I wrote goals for the year, we put them in a drawer and looked at them again in 2010, it was impressive we had met some of these goals and didnt even realise we were doing it. 

Growth, we were going in the right direction and that realisation was encouraging.  Our most fun achievement that year was buying our little caravan, bundling our wee family and dog in, simplifying life, and travelling to some of the most gorgeous places in Scotland.  In 2011 we managed to arrange for about 30 of our friends and family to meet at one of those places for a beach party.

Making a wish and putting it out there

  Moules Marinieres on an open fire



 

The beach with the Isle of Jura in the distance

It made me ask the question.  What could I achieve if I really payed attention to the things I would love have in my life?

It took a while though.  The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rueben, recommended to me by a good friend, planted the seed of an action plan in December 2011 and this is the growth of that seed.


What have neurons got to do with writing a blog?

Neurons: A specialized cell transmitting nerve impulses; a nerve cell.

Neuroplasticity:  The capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation and training or practice.

The brain is amazing, the underlying machinery of the brain is hardwired, but the wiring on the top is flexible and controlled by behavioural input, it has been proven that neurons can rewire, this is what makes personal growth and development possible.  

There is a proven connection between meditation and neuroplasticity, but you dont have to be the Dalai Lama rewire your neurons.  You also do not need to sit on a meditation cushion every day to meditate. 

Be conscious of what you are doing, pay attention.  In positive psychology it is called 'the flow'. You will usually find you are in the flow when you are doing something that you enjoy...jigsaws, crosswords, writing, knitting.  Wouldn't it be nice to be in the flow when doing the dishes too! More on that in a future post.

Flow: is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.



Will I be able to rewire my brain as the result of this blog being a reminder of my new daily mindful behaviour.  Time will tell, but Im already feeling the difference.  Im more in the flow...im not impulse buying anymore and Im off to arrange that beach party!

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

Mindful Knitting

Learning to knit is one of my goals for this year and I joined a group at my local library last week to try it out.

I love it, and as I was sitting today with my other knitters, made up of a group of lovely ladies, most of whom are at least 20 years older than me, I listened intently to the conversation and thought about what I was getting from the group:

• Mindfulness - when you are knitting, you are paying attenting to the next stitch, this is a form of meditation.
• Sense of Achievement - you get quick results as you see your knitting progress.
• Sense of Community - to sit for 2 hours in a different environment with others all working towards the same task is very rewarding and you get a sense of being part of a small community (we are knitting squares which are being sown together to make a blanket for an Alzheimers Scotland project).
• Support - I was given a knitting needles drum roll from the other group members when I completed my first knitted square..and I took a bow!
• Information -  as well as the obvious benefits - learning to knit.  I now know about a 'very pleaseant man' in my local area that fixes watches much cheaper than jewellry shops.
• Gratitude - hearing the ladies recounting stories of living through the Clydebank Blitz during World War II and other memories of the days of outside toilets, giving birth at home, and not so long ago, no central heating and instant hot water, makes you grateful for today.
• Contentment - listening to shared laughter rippling around a room makes you feel good inside.

My little bit of luxury on a Friday.  Long may it continue.  I would recommend anyone to make moves to join a local group and learn something new.  You might be surprised just how much you get from it.

Personal Commandments (Golden Rules)

The 12 personal commandments are a suggestion in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rueben, so I did put a bit of thought into them and they are working well.  If Im looking after myself well, Im more able to look after the people that I love too.

These commandments are not set in stone.

1. Think for yourself

We get so much information, from television, newspapers, internet, work, religions, friends, family, strangers.

If I believe everything that I hear and dont think for myself I will be a sheep.  I am not a sheep.  I am able to think along original lines.

Things to watch our for are:  fantasy, myths, naivety

My aim for 'think for yourself':  be practical, dont be gullible and get to the heart of the matter.

2.  Co-operation, Respect and Love

If I go about my business with co-operation, respect and love it will make getting to the heart of the matter much easier and kinder.

Everyone wants to be happy and we are all fighting our own battles.

3. Respect your body

Hit the 40 mark recently and I want to be around for another 40 years and be healthy enough to enjoy it. This means taking a bit of action. So I have decided to take my health a bit more seriously.  I also have high cholesterol and its niggling away at me.

Building in daily exercise and paying attention to what I eat.  Respect.

4. Dont buy what you dont need

Ive never taken money too seriously so its always slipped through my fingers, impulsive buys and spontaneous nights out, and Ive had a great time!  Thankfully I was clever enough to have bought my first house at 24 and to never miss payments on anything.   Money brings comfort, security, health and power, it needs to be taken seriously.

Questions to ask:

How could I spend money to make myself feel more secure?
How could I spend money to strengthen relationships with other people?
How could I spend money to make myself healthier?

(taken from Happiness Project diary)

5. Do what needs to be done.

This is all about procrastination, a major emotional disturbance, and Im brilliant at it.

This commandment covers dealing with life....GP and dentist appointments, organising finances, keeping clutter in check, schooling, calling service providers (cable, gas, council), getting things fixed, and so on.

I never knew I had so many niggling tasks until I wrote them down, they are now out of my head and I know what needs to be done, I keep that list up to date and check it regularly. 

It is easier to face a difficult task that to avoid it....in the long term.

6. Do not give in to guilt or pity

Sometimes when I am asked to do something I say no, and then I feel guilty and change my mind and do it, which makes me resentful and irritated.  Thats a mixed message.  I now manage this better and I have more time to myself, and can focus on my own important things.

If you give in to guilt or pity you will cave in like a deck of cards. 

7. Recognise Frustrations

It helps to get things into persepective.  That includes recognising frustrations for what they are, inconveniences - little things that need to be problem solved or tolerated without resentment.  Frustrations do not need to lead to emotional disturbances.  This one thing, when remembered, makes life much easier!

8. Lighten Up

When I recognise frustrations, it makes sense to lighten up.  Especially getting my son out to school in the morning, his head is in the clouds constantly.  I moan and nag, I cant even stand the sound of myself.  When I turn that mood around, it turns my day around.  A bit like the law of attraction, you get what you give. 

9. Connect (Breathe)

To help me lighten up, I stop, take a step back from whats inside my head and come back into the present and pay attention.  I do this by having awareness of my breath. 

Taking a few deep breaths is usually enough to feel calm and detached, which means I can observe things how they really are and not how my frustrated mind is perceiving them. Sometimes I have to do this a lot! Its a good habit to develop.  It also cultivates gratitude.

10. Consult your inner adult

We all have an inner adult and an inner child.  I now know when my inner child comes out to play, this is when I have to acknowledge my inner child with love and become the adult that I am.  My conversations between my inner adult and inner child can be pretty intense, and I love them both.

11.  Walk tall and keep your shoulders down.

Walking tall feels good and reduces tension in the shoulders and neck, and my shoulders need the break!

12. Be Firm

Do not reward bad behaviour in others, be firm and fair.

Make allowances and give chances, but only a few.  After that its time to protest, separate or tolerate without resentment.  Never tolerate with resentment, there are always solutions.  This is self-care.

Over-analysing

I am analysing over-analysing.  I dont think it gets much worse, especially at 5am when all you want to do is sleep and there are no Nytol in your drawer.





Over-analysing - Good vs Bad?

Good

• over-analysing helps my mind to process things quickly to find solutions to the problem or part of the problem
• it leads me to try new things
• we have had some great holidays because of the amount of research i do to find what we want
• constant self-evaluation
• great conversations with like-minded friends

Bad

• it can be exhausting
• constant self-evaluation
• I can over analyse things that dont need it
• it can lead to procrastination - too much thinking and not enough doing
• I sometimes dont let things run their natural course

Writing this reminds me of running my stress management business a few years ago and having a problem with Striving versus Non-Striving.

How do you run a business, develop a business, get clients, help clients, and make enough money to live life - without striving?  It was a complete dilemma and it eventually drove me nuts, I packed in that business as it became more successful (and all-consuming).  Imagine what Alan Sugar would have said to that one (but then he wasnt a mother to a small child and have a partner that also worked full time). I probably needed a slap and a bit of external help, the business was doing well.  But instead with the support of my husband and family I let it go, took a year off, simplified my life and licked my wounds.  Best thing I ever done, it saved my life.

In that year of non-striving I became more present with my actual life, I hung out with my lovely family without thinking of the next client,  I breathed a lot (awareness), I sat in the garden and just watched the grass grow, I read books for pleasure, I let go and I slowed down, and most importantly, I found some balance.  It was a simple and luxurious time for me and its nice to remember it at this time of resolutions, and its also a good lesson for today - practice Wu Wei (the Way of Non-Striving).

Difficult to do when you are a natural over-analyser.  Difficult to do when you are not!

Its still a dilemma - how do I get to Disneyland, lose a stone, get my shower fixed and move to France without striving. Oh yeah...I remember, just simply by paying attention, slowing down, and breathing, and I can chuck a smile into that mix too.

Wu Wei - It is action without striving, without trying. It is more like natural action. Action that fits in the flow of situation, is appropriate to the objective reality, and harmonises, supports and balances the many relationships we have around us.

A note on the word harmony.  It has always been a trigger for me for feeling that all is as it should be.  I was once taught to choose a feeling and to meditate on that feeling to cultivate it. It works.  Today I am choosing harmony.  What are you choosing?





 

Newness

Decided to start this blog today.  A spontaneous decision.

I bought 'The Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rueben in December and have found that it is working, im happier.   The advice is practical, it has made me think about what is important to me and I am doing all the little niggling tasks that have been bugging me for weeks, months, years!  Result.  Nothing else I have read has even got me near to that, although it could be said Im in the right place for it now.  When the student is ready the teacher appears.

In addition to that, after a visit to my local library for a kids book, I had a little stroll around and saw a book that caught my attention.  How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Dr. Paul Hauck, what a guy.  Having been a self help coach for the past 2 years, and a stress advisor prior to that, I have read many books on self development, self improvement, self awareness etc.  This book really hits the mark for me, a no-nonsense approach.

Its time to stop being wishy washy and start making the changes I need to make to change my life for the better.

At this point I would like to add, that I dont have a horrible life, Im not sad, Im reasonably healthy, I have great friends, know how to let my hair down, I could be doing with more money, as could most of us.  I have heating, hot water, food, a roof over my head and a wonderful family and for all of that I am very grateful.

But......I have been wishy washy for long enough, there a things I want to do.  I want to look after my health better, I want to lose a stone in weight, I want to take my kid to Disneyland in Florida, I want to have less clutter, I want to stop buying things that I dont need, I want to fix my shower which has been faulty for a year, I want to move to France! and I honestly believe that if I start with fixing my shower this will help me get to France.

These things take a new awareness, I have been looking through the same eyes for too long, and although there are lots of things I see, for example, I am trained to be aware of my thinking, good and bad, and sometimes I choose to change unhelpful thinking and sometimes I wallow in it, but I know Im doing it, its my choice.  I have been lucky enough to spend a lot of time on a beautiful island meditating with psychiatrists and buddhist monks, I have met amazing people, and have the most gorgeous friends with amazing spirit and compassion.   I know what happens when feelings come up...and go back down...and come up again...it eventually sets you free.  But this awarness I need is different.  I need to actually see what is around me.

This is going to take practice, being in the present and having the energy to change.

Spontaneous, spur of the moment decisions....so they still have a place among my new strategy of starting a plan and sticking to it.  Let see where I end up.  This is my new project jotter.