Personal Commandments (Golden Rules)

The 12 personal commandments are a suggestion in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rueben, so I did put a bit of thought into them and they are working well.  If Im looking after myself well, Im more able to look after the people that I love too.

These commandments are not set in stone.

1. Think for yourself

We get so much information, from television, newspapers, internet, work, religions, friends, family, strangers.

If I believe everything that I hear and dont think for myself I will be a sheep.  I am not a sheep.  I am able to think along original lines.

Things to watch our for are:  fantasy, myths, naivety

My aim for 'think for yourself':  be practical, dont be gullible and get to the heart of the matter.

2.  Co-operation, Respect and Love

If I go about my business with co-operation, respect and love it will make getting to the heart of the matter much easier and kinder.

Everyone wants to be happy and we are all fighting our own battles.

3. Respect your body

Hit the 40 mark recently and I want to be around for another 40 years and be healthy enough to enjoy it. This means taking a bit of action. So I have decided to take my health a bit more seriously.  I also have high cholesterol and its niggling away at me.

Building in daily exercise and paying attention to what I eat.  Respect.

4. Dont buy what you dont need

Ive never taken money too seriously so its always slipped through my fingers, impulsive buys and spontaneous nights out, and Ive had a great time!  Thankfully I was clever enough to have bought my first house at 24 and to never miss payments on anything.   Money brings comfort, security, health and power, it needs to be taken seriously.

Questions to ask:

How could I spend money to make myself feel more secure?
How could I spend money to strengthen relationships with other people?
How could I spend money to make myself healthier?

(taken from Happiness Project diary)

5. Do what needs to be done.

This is all about procrastination, a major emotional disturbance, and Im brilliant at it.

This commandment covers dealing with life....GP and dentist appointments, organising finances, keeping clutter in check, schooling, calling service providers (cable, gas, council), getting things fixed, and so on.

I never knew I had so many niggling tasks until I wrote them down, they are now out of my head and I know what needs to be done, I keep that list up to date and check it regularly. 

It is easier to face a difficult task that to avoid it....in the long term.

6. Do not give in to guilt or pity

Sometimes when I am asked to do something I say no, and then I feel guilty and change my mind and do it, which makes me resentful and irritated.  Thats a mixed message.  I now manage this better and I have more time to myself, and can focus on my own important things.

If you give in to guilt or pity you will cave in like a deck of cards. 

7. Recognise Frustrations

It helps to get things into persepective.  That includes recognising frustrations for what they are, inconveniences - little things that need to be problem solved or tolerated without resentment.  Frustrations do not need to lead to emotional disturbances.  This one thing, when remembered, makes life much easier!

8. Lighten Up

When I recognise frustrations, it makes sense to lighten up.  Especially getting my son out to school in the morning, his head is in the clouds constantly.  I moan and nag, I cant even stand the sound of myself.  When I turn that mood around, it turns my day around.  A bit like the law of attraction, you get what you give. 

9. Connect (Breathe)

To help me lighten up, I stop, take a step back from whats inside my head and come back into the present and pay attention.  I do this by having awareness of my breath. 

Taking a few deep breaths is usually enough to feel calm and detached, which means I can observe things how they really are and not how my frustrated mind is perceiving them. Sometimes I have to do this a lot! Its a good habit to develop.  It also cultivates gratitude.

10. Consult your inner adult

We all have an inner adult and an inner child.  I now know when my inner child comes out to play, this is when I have to acknowledge my inner child with love and become the adult that I am.  My conversations between my inner adult and inner child can be pretty intense, and I love them both.

11.  Walk tall and keep your shoulders down.

Walking tall feels good and reduces tension in the shoulders and neck, and my shoulders need the break!

12. Be Firm

Do not reward bad behaviour in others, be firm and fair.

Make allowances and give chances, but only a few.  After that its time to protest, separate or tolerate without resentment.  Never tolerate with resentment, there are always solutions.  This is self-care.